01
UPDATE
Microsoft Updates: Solving Problems You Didn't Have.
Yesterday everything worked. Today: “Configuring 1 of 999 updates…”
KEEP READING →MICROFUCK / WINDOWS
Windows jokes
without the training.
Pick a joke below. Every KEEP READING → button opens a full satirical article in the Microfuck document reader.
02
UPDATE
Your PC Is Up to Date. Your Patience Is Not.
The update fixed a bug you never noticed and introduced one you will.
KEEP READING →03
UPDATE
Patch Tuesday: Sysadmins' Weekly Horror Film.
Some people look forward to Tuesdays. Sysadmins check the backup logs.
KEEP READING →04
UPDATE
The Update That Ate the Data Plan.
Windows can turn “just a small update” into a surprise 6 GB relationship.
KEEP READING →05
UX
Where Did That Setting Go?
It is still here. Probably. Somewhere between Control Panel and a menu inside another menu.
KEEP READING →06
PRIVACY
We Value Your Privacy.
Windows says it with the confidence of a company that has found another settings page.
KEEP READING →07
LICENSE
End User Locked Agreement.
EULA: the place where “I agree” has more plot twists than a Netflix finale.
KEEP READING →08
LICENSE
The EULA Maze.
Manufacturer: ask Microsoft. Microsoft: ask the manufacturer. User: installs Linux.
KEEP READING →09
HARDWARE
Windows 11: Please Bring New Hardware.
Your perfectly functional computer has been declared emotionally incompatible.
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BLOAT
The Only Thing Heavier Than Windows.
The list of background apps you didn't remember installing.
KEEP READING →11
SECURITY
Antivirus for Windows.
Microsoft sells you Windows, then gives you a security center to explain why Windows needs security.
KEEP READING →12
PRODUCT
If It Works, Kill It.
If it fails, rename it. If it works again, put it behind a subscription.
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ACCOUNT
Local Account? How quaint.
Your computer is yours. Microsoft would like a small administrative footnote about that.
KEEP READING →14
RESTART
Restart Required.
Nothing says “productivity” like saving your work because the operating system has an appointment.
KEEP READING →15
BRICK
Freedom of Choice.
You are free to choose… between the buttons Microsoft placed in front of you.
KEEP READING →16
SATIRE
They mocked the penguin; now they wear it as a costume.
They mocked the penguin; now they wear it as a costume. 😁
KEEP READING →17
SATIRE
They say Windows gives you control. Yet, from the moment you unbox your laptop, it’s already decided what…
They say Windows gives you control. Yet, from the moment you unbox your laptop, it’s already decided what you’ll run, what you’ll pay for, and what you’ll agree to — whether you like it or not. 😁
KEEP READING →18
SATIRE
Windows 11 has high hardware requirements and includes bloatware.
Windows 11 has high hardware requirements and includes bloatware. The only thing heavier than Windows is the list of background apps it installs without asking. 😁
KEEP READING →19
SATIRE
43% of all computers in the world (~400 million devices) can not upgrade to windows 11.
43% of all computers in the world (~400 million devices) can not upgrade to windows 11. 😁
KEEP READING →20
SATIRE
And they sell a permission to use Windows full of bugs and vulnerabilities and unstable and consumes…
And they sell a permission to use Windows full of bugs and vulnerabilities and unstable and consumes resources and heats the computer and... Oh yes yes, user-friendly of course! 😁
KEEP READING →MICROFUCK STATUSAll systems sarcastically operational.
20 long articles
Windows Incident Response Center
Everything is under control. Probably. Test the features below at your own risk.
Windows Update
47 GB of improvements you did not request.
Fake Error Generator
Because one error code is never sufficiently mysterious.
Live Demo Mode
For presentations involving scanners, confidence and regret.
THE ORIGINAL LIVE DEMO — Windows 98 famously crashed during a COMDEX presentation while Plug and Play was being demonstrated.
Historical footage is stored locally in media/. Add your copy as media/windows-98-presentation-fail.mp4.
HISTORICAL ARCHIVE:
1998: Blue Screen of Death
Newer Windows 11 versions: unexpected restart screens can appear black.
2026: We ran out of colors.
1998: Blue Screen of Death
Newer Windows 11 versions: unexpected restart screens can appear black.
2026: We ran out of colors.