01
SUBSCRIPTION
Once Upon a Time, You Bought Software.
Now you rent it, update it, and receive a reminder that your card is expiring.
KEEP READING →MICROFUCK / CORPORATE
Corporate jokes
without the training.
Pick a joke below. Every KEEP READING → button opens a full satirical article in the Microfuck document reader.
02
BUZZWORDS
Have You Tried Adding AI?
Whatever the problem is, add AI. If that fails, add another AI and call it enterprise.
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CORPORATE
Empower Every Person.
Especially the person who knows where the licensing spreadsheet is.
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CORPORATE
User Freedom.
Click here to surrender.
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SUPPORT
Microsoft Support.
Somewhere between fake support calls and real support queues, user trust quietly left the chat.
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PRODUCTIVITY
Productivity's Most Expensive Comedy Show.
Turn a five-minute task into an afternoon of formatting, updates and permissions.
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CLOUD
The Cloud.
Your files are somewhere. The invoice knows exactly where.
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AI
Artificial Intelligence, Real Meetings.
AI writes the summary. Nobody reads it. Another meeting is scheduled.
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ENTERPRISE
Enterprise-Grade Nonsense.
Everything is mission-critical until procurement asks for the budget.
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CORPORATE
The Roadmap.
Q1: simplify. Q2: add AI. Q3: rename it. Q4: announce the simplification.
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CORPORATE
The Feedback Loop.
User complains. Company forms a task force. Task force creates a dashboard. Dashboard needs a login.
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PRIVACY
Privacy by Enterprise Architecture.
The setting exists. It is three menus deep and named something completely unrelated.
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WINDOWS 11
WINDOWS
Your PC passed every benchmark. Microsoft asked whether it has the correct feelings about TPM.
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WORD ART
OFFICE
Nothing says corporate seriousness like discovering Word Art at 2:13 AM before a deadline.
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LINUX
LINUX
Linux: install it on an ancient laptop and watch it ask for nothing except a password.
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ACTIVE DIRECTORY
SERVER
Group Policy: because apparently every user deserves a small bureaucratic government.
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EDGE
BROWSER
Edge is the browser equivalent of a free sample you keep being asked to eat.
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LICENSING
CORPORATE
The product is easy to understand. The licensing is where the boss battle begins.
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AZURE
AZURE
The cloud is someone else's computer. Enterprise cloud is someone else's computer with your procurement department attached.
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TELEMETRY
PRIVACY
Telemetry is the software equivalent of someone asking “How was your day?” and opening a spreadsheet.
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CVE
SECURITY
A CVE arrives. The sysadmin opens the ticket. The sysadmin closes the weekend.
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ACTIVE DIRECTORY
Active Directory: Microsoft’s Most Successful documented Mistake
Active Directory: Microsoft’s Most Successful documented Mistake 😁
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UPDATE
Why Microsoft Forces Users to Accept Unwanted Updates?
Why Microsoft Forces Users to Accept Unwanted Updates? Many Windows users have expressed frustration with Microsoft’s update policy. Automatic restarts, forced installations, and privacy-invasive telemetry settings often make people feel they’ve lost control over their own computers. This telegram group, Microfuck, was created to highlight how a trillion-dollar company sometimes forgets to respect user choice and transparency. We love technology, but we believe software should serve people, not the other way around. Our goal is to push Microsoft toward more honest privacy options, better communication, and respect for user consent. Note: This group is a form of commentary and parody, protected under the right to free expression. We are not affiliated with Microsoft Corporation. 😁
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UPDATE
Microfuck: Because Microsoft keeps screwing its users with forced updates.
Microfuck: Because Microsoft keeps screwing its users with forced updates. 😁
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PRIVACY
When Windows says ‘we value your privacy,’ we laugh - Microfuck exists to explain why.
When Windows says ‘we value your privacy,’ we laugh - Microfuck exists to explain why. 😁
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SATIRE
We’re not saying ‘fuck Microsoft.’ We’re saying: Microsoft, stop fucking with users.
We’re not saying ‘fuck Microsoft.’ We’re saying: Microsoft, stop fucking with users. 😁
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SATIRE
Microsoft’s new motto: If you can’t kill it, integrate it and call it innovation.
Microsoft’s new motto: If you can’t kill it, integrate it and call it innovation. 😁
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SATIRE
Microsoft went from burning the penguin to cuddling it, capitalism really does cure hatred.
Microsoft went from burning the penguin to cuddling it, capitalism really does cure hatred. 😁
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LICENSE
Once upon a time, Microsoft sold licenses. Now they sell subscriptions to your patience.
Once upon a time, Microsoft sold licenses. Now they sell subscriptions to your patience. 😁
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UPDATE
“The EULA Trap: When You Buy a Laptop, Microsoft Buys Your Soul”
“The EULA Trap: When You Buy a Laptop, Microsoft Buys Your Soul” You walk into a store, buy a shiny new laptop — your laptop — and take it home. You turn it on, and before you can even see your desktop, a window pops up: ‘Do you accept the Microsoft End-User License Agreement?’ Wait — what if you don’t? You paid for the hardware, not for the surveillance system that came bundled with it. But if you dare click “No,” your laptop becomes a brick. No refund, no apology, just a digital middle finger. Microsoft calls it an “agreement.” That’s funny. Real agreements require choice. It’s like buying a car, but the dealer says you can’t start the engine until you agree to share your driving habits with them — forever. And the best part? They’ll say, “If you don’t agree, you can ask the laptop manufacturer for a refund.” The manufacturer will say, “Ask Microsoft.” Microsoft will say, “Ask th
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SATIRE
Microsoft says you ‘own your device’ — except for the part where you can’t get your money back if you…
Microsoft says you ‘own your device’ — except for the part where you can’t get your money back if you refuse their software. Sounds like ownership, Microsoft-style. 😁
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LICENSE
Refusing the Windows license should mean a refund, not a punishment. But at Microsoft, the ‘refund’ option…
Refusing the Windows license should mean a refund, not a punishment. But at Microsoft, the ‘refund’ option is hidden somewhere between Start and Imaginary Settings. 😁
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LICENSE
EULA should stand for End User Locked Agreement. Because once you click ‘I agree,’ you’ve surrendered your…
EULA should stand for End User Locked Agreement. Because once you click ‘I agree,’ you’ve surrendered your rights, not just your clicks. 😁
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LICENSE
Apparently, freedom of choice ends at the Windows startup screen. Decline the EULA? Congratulations — you…
Apparently, freedom of choice ends at the Windows startup screen. Decline the EULA? Congratulations — you just bought a very expensive paperweight. 😁
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UPDATE
Windows 10 and 11 often install updates automatically, sometimes rebooting without user consent.
Windows 10 and 11 often install updates automatically, sometimes rebooting without user consent. Microsoft’s idea of consent: ‘We’ll ask you later… after we’ve already installed it. 😁
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LICENSE
Most new laptops come with Windows pre-installed; refusing the EULA doesn’t guarantee a refund.
Most new laptops come with Windows pre-installed; refusing the EULA doesn’t guarantee a refund. You can’t say no, but sure, you’re free! 😁
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AI
Windows collects user data (“telemetry”) by default; disabling it completely is nearly impossible.
Windows collects user data (“telemetry”) by default; disabling it completely is nearly impossible. You paid for Windows, and it still spies on you — like buying a car that reports your driving habits to the manufacturer. 😁
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AI
Windows has historically been the most targeted OS for malware.
Windows has historically been the most targeted OS for malware. Microsoft sells you Windows, then sells you antivirus software to defend against Windows. 😁
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AI
Microsoft has discontinued products like Windows Phone, MSN Messenger, Zune, and others abruptly.
Microsoft has discontinued products like Windows Phone, MSN Messenger, Zune, and others abruptly. Microsoft’s motto: If it works, kill it. If it fails, rename it. 😁
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SATIRE
Microsoft faced major antitrust lawsuits (1990s–2000s) for anti-competitive practices.
Microsoft faced major antitrust lawsuits (1990s–2000s) for anti-competitive practices. Microsoft loved competition so much, it tried to buy or crush all of it. 😁
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SATIRE
Many scammers pretend to be from “Microsoft Support.” Microsoft warns about this publicly.
Many scammers pretend to be from “Microsoft Support.” Microsoft warns about this publicly. Microsoft spent decades confusing users so well that even scammers can sound official. 😁
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UPDATE
Welcome to Microfuck, the corner of the internet that Microsoft would probably prefer didn’t exist.
Welcome to Microfuck, the corner of the internet that Microsoft would probably prefer didn’t exist. This isn’t hate — it’s critique. It’s satire. It’s what happens when users are tired of forced updates, unreadable license agreements, and “we value your privacy” pop-ups that track your every click. Everything here is protected speech, covered by fair comment and satire laws and by Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. We don’t sell Windows. We open them. We don’t break laws — we break silence. If you’re from Microsoft and you’re reading this: relax, it’s all legal. Maybe even learn something.
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LICENSE
If I don't use Windows, why should I have to pay for that license?
If I don't use Windows, why should I have to pay for that license? 😁
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LICENSE
End of support for Windows 10, Windows 8.1, and Windows 7. To start using windows 11, buy a license, and…
End of support for Windows 10, Windows 8.1, and Windows 7. To start using windows 11, buy a license, and no local user! Only online activation. And buy a new laptop because windows 11 only runs on new computers. 😁
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UPDATE
Fuck Microsoft and the windows dev team! Fuck the person who thinks it's a bright idea to force users to…
Fuck Microsoft and the windows dev team! Fuck the person who thinks it's a bright idea to force users to download updates on their fucking insecure OS. I live in a shitty substandard country where the cheapest mobile data plan is roughly $7.5 for 7.2gb for a month. After several weeks of Windows auto downloading updates I don't need, I disabled the updates on several fronts using tutorials found online until yesterday, the fucking thing still found a way to download updates over 6gb, I didn't suspect a thing until I got notification that my data plan is exhausted and I immediately checked windows update and saw a fucking download meter of 76% downloaded. The data was suppose to last for 4-5 days, all gone within 3 hours span. Fuck whoever thought it is a nice idea to force users to download shitty updates, leave me with the fucking old unstable version, if I get a malware I know how to
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SATIRE
The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste" - Steve Jobs
"The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste" - Steve Jobs
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AI
Laura Loomer (activist) accused Satya Nadella (Microsoft’s CEO) of being “double-faced” over certain…
Laura Loomer (activist) accused Satya Nadella (Microsoft’s CEO) of being “double-faced” over certain company hiring decisions, implying hypocrisy.
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UPDATE
“Microsoft Updates: Solving Problems You Didn’t Have.”
📦 “Microsoft Updates: Solving Problems You Didn’t Have.” Yesterday everything worked fine. Today it’s “Configuring 1 of 999 updates…” 😁
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SATIRE
“Microsoft: Turning Bugs into Features Since 1975.”
💻 “Microsoft: Turning Bugs into Features Since 1975.” Every crash is just an undocumented innovation. 😁
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LICENSE
“Licensing Hell: Now with More Editions!”
💸 “Licensing Hell: Now with More Editions!” Standard, Datacenter, Essentials, or Just-Pay-Us-Anyway Edition. Because true enterprise flexibility means being confused about what you bought. 😁
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LICENSE
The exact total number of Microsoft Windows licenses sold throughout history is not public, but it is…
The exact total number of Microsoft Windows licenses sold throughout history is not public, but it is certainly in the billions. For example, over 630 million copies of Windows 7 were sold, Windows 8 sold more than 100 million licenses in its first six months, and Windows 95 sold 40 million copies within its first year. In 2022, it was reported that more than 1.4 billion devices were running either Windows 10 or 11. Windows 95: Sold 40 million copies within its first year. Windows 7: Sold over 630 million copies before being succeeded by Windows 8. Windows 8: Had more than 100 million licenses sold in the first six months, with many of the additional licenses being sold pre-installed on new PCs. Windows 10 and 11: In 2022, more than 1.4 billion devices were running either Windows 10 or 11. If the average license price is 50 USD?
KEEP READING →MICROFUCK STATUSAll systems sarcastically operational.
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